Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize