You really coming over, don't trick.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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