NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
