In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
