he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
