the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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