I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize