My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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