the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
