Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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