She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
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