TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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