Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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