Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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