I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
