he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
