soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize