I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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