Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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