Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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