playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
