I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
