I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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