smell my finger.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
COCAINE IS GR8
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
