would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
