I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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