What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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