he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
