Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
