SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize