I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
