So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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