When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
