Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
