You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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