Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
