The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Why did my mother make you get naked?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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