Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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