There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
