Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
