C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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