Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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