Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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