my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
