Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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