Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
