He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
