So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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