I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
