I think scott just propositioned me for sex
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
