It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Damn victory sex feels great
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
