I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
