Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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