You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize