i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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