I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize