Do you still have your period?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
