his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
