pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
