So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
