I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
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