I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize