Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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