ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
